Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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