rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i just google imaged poop.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
