Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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