Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
