I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
