Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
