I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
