Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
Hippo gnu deer
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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