if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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