So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Randomize
