Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
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