how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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