This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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