drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Come on in and take your pants off
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