happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Randomize
