It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
