Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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