Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Randomize
