Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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