I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Randomize
