none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
