I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
