i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
