Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
