Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
