Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
