Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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