He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Randomize
