why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just found a bag of teeth...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
God, I missed his penis.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
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