I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
