i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
