I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
