All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
