bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
