This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
