I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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