i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
