my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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