If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
