I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
