u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
We need a shit load of segways right now
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
