Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I woke up under a house in Key West
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