The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
they're like a gay fantastic four
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
