So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Operation Purity has been aborted
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
