the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
