They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
