I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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