Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
