ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Randomize
