Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
